Notes on ‘An Appeal for Help’

Yesterday (04.05.23) I posted an ‘appeal for help’ on Inst@gr@m asking my followers to recommend my series, ‘nod away’, to others if they enjoyed it, hoping a request for a signal boost would help increase sales while I worked on volume 3. I had no reason to expect anything from it but the response has been somewhat overwhelming. I figured I’d better address a few things.

For more than 11 years I’ve been working on a 7-volume mixed-genre ‘graphic novel’ series called ‘nod away’ (which can be purchased here: https://www.fantagraphics.com/products/nod-away). The second volume was released September 7th, 2021 to… silence. A year and a half later and it’s almost like it never existed.

Before I get to any of that, though… there’s a tendency for people to blame the publisher for these kind of situations. As far as I can tell, Fantagraphics PR is spread to the limit as is, and I can’t fault them for social media being the only tool available for promotion anymore. I also want to make clear that since he first read ‘nod away’, Eric Reynolds has been my biggest supporter and is just as disappointed as I am about the series not finding its audience. He’s my friend and one of my favorite human beings. I don’t know if there is any one person or group of people to blame for the difficulties creative communities are facing these days (maybe it’s M@rvel? Di$ney? Surely not…). It occurs to me that economically depressed environments are hostile to anything that doesn’t generate revenue (e.g. comics, anything involving the arts, etc.), but I am not an economist, am I.

So, Volume 2 (v2). Does v2 deserve attention? Absolutely not. I rejected the myth of American exceptionalism many years ago and know I am owed 100% of nothing. There are many, many authors who have released work over the past few years and had it quickly swallowed up by the black hole of the pandemic. Friends and loved ones were dying, humans were (are) suffering abuse from authoritarian forces… comics were the furthest things from the minds of most. Especially 360-page claustrophobic existential comics by some balding, middle-aged clod hunkered down in rural Missouri.

But, through the acknowledgment of reality and grief I experienced from my own losses, I had to continue surviving myself and that meant doing what I could to ensure my books reached their audience. I’m a cartoonist, comics are what I do, as irrelevant as they may be in the big picture. It was nearly ALL I had done over the previous six years, constantly writing and illustrating 360 pages of comics, v2. I was exhausted and a bit desperate for something to work out (and have been for a while now). I was promoting my book, why wasn’t anyone reading it?

I’ve been making comics for more than 20 years now, starting with my two mini-comic series, ‘FUN’ (out of print, it will stay that way) and ‘Skyscrapers of the Midwest’ (out of print but hoping to bring it back), which went on to find a home with Chris Pitzer’s now defunct AdHouse Books. From the beginning, especially after tabling at MOCCA in 2003, it was obvious that if I wanted my work to be noticed I’d have to promote it efficiently and aggressively. Even though self-promotion goes against my self-deprecating nature and I hate every second of it, I eventually managed to make enough critics, publishers and comic shops aware of my work that I began to see evidence of an actual reading audience. 

Fast forward 20 years through the creating and promoting of a few more mini-comics, strips, newspapers and graphic novels and from what I can tell the ONLY current tool for self-promotion is… social media (besides conventions. but… pandemic). I’ve been doing this promoting on social media thing for a few years ago now, and while I understand the concept behind the convenience of centralized marketing, is it really working? And if it is, who is it working for? Is it at all possible we’re all just grist for the Z. Berg and Friends mill? Have you been on social media lately? The end-all for Marketing? Here’s a sampling (warning: not for sensitive readers): 

“23 more first-graders were brutally murdered in Wisconsin this morning, 1/3 of the country doesn’t believe LGBTQ+ humans are human, the President paid off a porn star so he could lead an insurrection on the nation’s capitol, some GenXer in Missouri made a comic and 18 more first-graders were just brutally murdered in Florida”.

Oh, yes. Perfect for Marketing. Don’t change a thing. I despise social media. I desperately want to quit social media 100%, the anxiety it causes me (and countless others) is soul crushing. I’m daily a hair’s breadth away from completely shutting down my one remaining social media account (IG) but apparently I need it if I’m to ‘survive’ as an artist. 

“That’s just the way it is”. Why? Says who? Why are we accepting these nonsense absurdities as ‘the way’? One of the best things about being an artist is it, well, it USED to be outside of the rat race, but now we’re all being forced to push, claw and scramble over each other to the top for scraps like those who are doing exactly what we were trying to avoid in the first place. “But the machine demands self-commodification for you to exist.” That doesn’t sound ideal to me. Should I do that, commodify myself? I am not commodity. I am not grist. You are not grist. Humans are not grist. HUMANS ARE NOT GRIST.

When I make comics it is not for want of personal attention, praise or income. It’s not to ‘be on top’. There’s nothing special about me as an individual. I’m a flawed human, same as all of the other flawed humans (many of whom probably shouldn’t be ‘on top’, either). I make comics because I want connection. It’s the reason why my hatred for social media is so pure. Zuck B. and Friends make it out to be the ultimate in human connection when in fact it’s the absolute opposite. Self. Me. i. Western narcissism and exceptionalism concentrate, held in a vast septic tank bursting at the seams (see: Infinite ©uck). The intentional destruction of civilization for profit.

So many other authors and musicians and filmmakers and etc. are dealing with the same unnecessary complications, this absurd scramble for the top. Maybe others want to be on top, I don’t know. I don’t want to be on top, I have no need to be on top. I don’t believe art should be a zero sum game. The top is irrelevant to my life. I just want people to read my book. I believe in my work. Others believe in it. I want people to read my series so I can keep making the series. I’m so excited about where it’s going, the first two volumes are barely indicative of what’s going to happen. It makes me very happy and I want to share that happiness with everyone. Every single last human being. 

I have myriad personal limitations and have learned to ask for help over the years. The aforementioned IG post was a request for others to spread the news that my books exist. I would love to do something with my time other than begging for help on social media about this stuff. Making comics is more than a full time job on its own so when do I have time to put together a song and dance to sell it to others? Answer - never. I’m a father, a husband, disabled and exhausted. It’s either comics or marketing, friend. Take your pick.

“There are other ways to connect with your audience.” I don’t have the charisma for a podcast. Interviewing me is not unlike a painful fever dream. I’m autistic and that means I don’t know how to verbally communicate without sending nuerotypicals running for the hills, gnashing teeth and pulling hair. I’m an artist. I’m not a businessperson. I’m not a salesperson. I’m an artist and social media is a social disease dealing in nonsense superficialities. I just want to make comics. Can’t I just make comics?

Did you know that I’m autistic? Oh, I just mentioned it in the previous paragraph? Ok, good. We’re on the same page. So, I’m autistic and my outward self is in absolutely no way representative of my inner world. I’m trapped in here and the only way for others to develop an understanding of what I desperately want to communicate is by reading my comics. Desperate. I’m desperate to connect with other human beings, I have been all of my life. It’s all part of the ∞ deal.

Is it a lot for me to ask a person to buy 7 expensive volumes of a graphic novel series written by a near-nobody using antiquated drawing tools so I can connect with them? Probably. While I may be an irrational person, I do promise you that I am putting every last fiber of my being into these seven volumes (besides the fibers my family has called for). I’ve bruised, cried and bled for ‘nod away’. All I want to do is write and draw. I’m not much of a salesperson, but I believe ‘nod away’ is fully worth your time and money and I hope you’ll consider giving it a chance. It’s everything I have to give.

My books have been nominated for Ignatzs, Harveys, Isotopes, Slates, Eisners & Angoulême Sélection Officielles, etc. They’ve been critically accepted and well-reviewed, my reading audience is small but passionate. I’m grateful for the myriad experiences I’ve had in comics because of my acceptance by those who appreciate the medium. I’ve been blessed in many ways and maybe I should be happy with what I have and forget about making more comics, but… I’m not dead yet. I have more to say. So…

How does anyone promote anything in these days of ‘hollering into the void that screams back’ marketing? I have no idea. That’s my whole problem. But I haven’t given up trying to figure it out yet. I am trying. I don’t exist without my art, so it has to work out somehow.